Wednesday 31 December 2014

New Hope

Happy New Year.

I was exactly from my facebook tab. Yup, I'm Having that no-idea-moments. I'd been typing and deleting over and over again in that status section and at last I decide to write all my thoughts here.

Well, thinking that no one is going to read my blog, it gives me strength to write any of my thoughts here without being judged.

So, here goes my deep thought in accordance to New Year's Eve.

Everyone, here and there, is wishing happy new year. I come to this idea of not posting this wish on facebook because I were thinking, why should I?.. But just then I realized... in this cliche three words, once a year wish, it contains hope!

Some may be giving words of wisdom, some may sounds like they are complaining, some may comes with resolutions, whatever things they are sharing, I strongly believe, they are hoping at the very least that 2015 will be filled with better things.

It had been hard to me. 2014 it was. I broke up with this guy I've known for about 8 years, family problems here and there, my Iphone had been accidentally damaged by someone who is actually trying to repair it, looking for true friends issue, trusting people issue, looking for my purposes of life issue, not able to have my dream vacation due to unexpected weather changing and more. I hardly, barely, recall any good memories of 2014.

whatever it is, whoever you are, if you happened to read this, your prayers will be much appreciated. Do pray that I'll be a better daughter, sister, friend, student, doctor and muslimah. Thank you. God bless you too. Amin.

Thursday 18 December 2014

If I Stay

If I'm a cello player,
If I'm beautiful,
If I'm living in Portland.
I wonder what's there,
 after the if.

Well, if and only if. I wonder what will happen in my life? Will there be a big difference...? I guess .. nay..I can't guess...you see, in life..you made a choice..by choosing something you're letting go of something. Simple.

I chose Russia, I'd let go of my dream of going to Ireland.

I chose to break up, I'm letting go of my memories.

I chose to keep my feelings as a secret, I'm letting them go.

I choose to be a doctor, I'm letting go of any hidden potential that I have.

Well there might be another parallel-us...living as us... our double..living maybe a better or a worse life than ours. Who knows?

"Life is this big, fat, gigantic, stinking mess. That's the beauty of it too"- If I Stay Movie.

The road never taken, is the road we never know where it'll brings us to. 

Sunday 14 December 2014

Seru (The Call)

Lately, I've been exposed to a lot of things-medical things to be precise, that are related to plastic surgery. Maybe it's the call. Many people, seniors, MO, lecturers had told me that it is not gonna be easy, it's gonna be a longgggg way, not to mention there's a lecturer that told me how many years I have to spend to become a plastic surgeon. She counted and told me all the detail, and honestly I kinda feel like this dream is getting further.

Meh nak cerita sikit. Kali pertama tahu pasal pembedahan plastik ini masa 9 tahun sebab Allah kurniakan adik yg istimewa. Cleft lip. 

Sembilan tahun. Anak sulung. Tak ada abang kakak doktor. Ibu ayah org biasa (so proud of them as to how they handle this issue). Not a bookworm. So, I won't expect my 9-years-old self back then to know this congenital pathology. 

Selalu pergi wad pembedahan plastik Hospital Penang. I got to know a lot of cases : cleft lip and palate, orbital cleft, polydactyly, burn etc. Since then, plastic surgery has gained my attention. Ceh macam ayat resume pula haha. Tingkatan dua dah pasang angan-angan nak pergi RCSI atas dua sebab, satu- RCSI, S for surgeon, dua- RCSI, R-royal. Masa kecil-kecil, royal=princess=disney=cinderella=snow white. Childhood dream-enough said.

Nak dijadikan cerita, kawan ajak mohon SPC- Russia. Kali pertama tahu Russia ada univesiti Medik. Kali pertama dengar MMA. 

Allah dah susun. Aku ke Rusia. Kawan ke RCSI. InsyaAllah dua-dua bakal doktor.

Masih ada sisa-sisa semangat nak jadi pakar bedah plastik walaupun ada tika rasa terhalang, rasa terkedu, tertanya-tanya mampu ke diri ini, rasa takut, rasa macam mimpikan bulan jatuh ke riba pun ada. Macam-macam rasa ada, cukup rasa. Yelah dekat Rusia ini pun ada benda yang dikejarkan tak dapat-dapat lagi. Sampai ada suatu masa, rasa malu nak bagitahu orang cita-cita ini.

Berbalik pada kisah aku di'momok-momok'kan tentang betapa susahnya nak jadi pakar bedah. Mereka yang bagi nasihat ini, bukan calang-calang orang, mereka dah lama dalam bidang ini. Tapi...kebelakangan ini, banyak sangat terbaca pos-pos di FB yang berkaitan dengan pembedahan plastik. Inikah serunya? Bell's palsy, Treacher Collins Syndrome, kisah seorang senior dengan kanak-kanak Phillipine yang mempunyai kisah hidup yang tragis disebabkan oleh sumbing dan kejahilan keluarga. I wonder what will come next. Is this the call? Shall I pursue my dream?


Saturday 13 December 2014

If you can't, don't.

There is this one love story. Well... cliche..I asked the girl.."why you like the guy..???"
Before I tell you the answer... I will first tell you why I ask her.

The guy.. it'd been quite some time since I know him. I may say we have this one common interest, hence we support each other. Well... as a senior in this 'field' (in which we have the same interest) he is the one who supports me most of the time. Unfortunately... my friends who are in my circle...seems to find him annoying. While for me..I find him is helpful most of the time.

Since I feel like I'm the only one who see the good in him, it's interesting to know he now has a partner. It makes me feel like I'm not the only one on his side, I'm not standing on the wrong side. So, I ask the girl.. what you like about him. And the answer is.. JENG3... "he is interesting". And I find her answer is interesting haha

Well, what I learned here is that.. there is neither wrong nor right side (well there may be,  but not in this case). It's how you interpret and understand someone. Some people find him annoying because they don't get him, while I'm vice versa. So, neither them nor me on the right or wrong side. It's just how we understand each other.

If you can't love, don't hate.

Wednesday 10 December 2014

Pilih kasih, berat sebelah, bias

Baru-baru ini ada orang kata "kita ini, tak kiralah Melayu ke, Cina ke, India ke, mesti dekat sudut hati paling dalam, ada sifat racist itu." It took me long enough to knock my head to the statement because aku dah memang train diri sendiri untuk tidak bersikap suka generalize orang. Dalam erti kata yang lain, aku terima semua orang tak kira bangsa, jantina atau negeri sama rata. Banyak bagusnya tapi ada juga buruknya. Aku jadi tak pandai nilai orang, selalu tertipu dan tersalah percaya orang. 

Aku cuba jadi adil, adil seadil-adilnya, tapi kebelakangan ini aku sedar, kalau kita asyik mencari kebenaran dan menolak bulat-bulat yang  tidak benar, we've got nothing by our side. Lama aku tak ada kawan baik. Kali terakhir masa darjah satu and she is non-muslim. Samila Oii Ling Ling. One of her parents is Chinese and the other one is Indian. 

Aku berkawan dengan ramai orang, tapi aku tak pernah rasa ada yang betul untuk dijadikan kawan baik. Ada je benda yang tak betul. Tapi sekarang, aku ada tiga-empat kawan baik. 

Ada je benda yang diorang buat, aku tak setuju sangat, tapi sebab diorang kawan baik aku, aku tutup mata je. Asalkan benda itu tak salah di sisi agama dan undang-undang. tehee ^_^

Sebab apa aku terima? Bukan sebab aku takut hilang kawan, tapi sebab aku percaya, diorang pun ada tutup mata dengan kekurangan aku, dioang pun ada pilih kasih bila datang gilian aku, diorang pun bias dengan aku. Jadi, terima kasih kawan. 

Contoh paling baik lagi, Syazwan, adik aku. Dia memang sayang keluarga sampai pejam mata tak nampak langsung kesalahan kitorang. Tak kira apa kes pun, dia selalu bela keluarga dia. Dulu aku rasa dia tak betul, tapi kebelakangan ini, aku rasa dia betul. 

Kau tak boleh adil dengan semua orang, sama macam semua orang tak boleh adil dengan kau. Suami kena bela isteri. Anak kena bela emak. Kawan kena bela kawan. Macam inilah kitaran hidup. TAPI! Cubalah untuk jadi seadil mungkin.

mmm igtkan dah nak berhenti, tapi tak puas lagi cerita haha

Kawan baik aku, 
kalau dia ada buat benda 
yang aku rasa tak relevan, 
instead of  tak nak kawan dengan dia, 
aku cuba paham dia, 
paham dia macam 
dia selalu paham aku.

 Ada keputusan dia 
yang aku rasa tak betul, 
tapi aku sokong 
dan sekali lagi 
cuba paham.

 Ada amalan dia 
yang orang lain pertikaikan, 
tapi aku terima dia seadanya 
macam dia
 terima aku.

Merekalah bias aku.

Wednesday 3 December 2014

Kau kata nak tolong aku.

Ada orang pernah kata kat aku.. "Mimi..kalau perlu bantuan untuk bla3 jgn segan tanya ok."

Yang cakap benda ini pula adalah orang yang aku pandang tinggi jugala. Admire in a way you may say. Ada satu hari ini, aku minta tlg dia, FIRST TIME aku minta tlg dia sebab aku mcm dh lost juga. Aku rasa macam..eh kenapa byk sgt benda kena buat ini? argh kepala pun dah jam ini. Bukan tak nak minta tlg orang yang sepatutnya tapi aku tak berapa pandai bab-bab penerangan sebenarnya. Senang cerita, kalau aku ada kerja, aku lagi suka buat seorang2. Yes, I'm no good in teamwork.

ok, back to cerita pasal aku nak minta tlg dengan orang yg pernah pelawa nak tolong aku tu kan. Guess what, benda yang aku tanya dia macam remeh tapi bagi aku, aku betul2 perlukan bantuan. There are too many big decisions I have to make while in my point of view,  I do not deserve that kind of power. Since I am overwhelmed with perasaan serba salah nak buat decision itu ini, aku pun decide nak minta tlg orang itu. Malangnya, sampai sekarang dia tak reply mesej itu. Mungkim medium aku mesej dia tak betul. Tapi takpela..lepas ini aku pun dah malu nak minta tlg dia. ergh, aku tak suka bila muka dah tebal minta tolong, tiba-tiba kena reject. MENCI nya kita!


Mengetuk dulang paku serpih, mengata orang dia pula yang lebih. ha, aku lah tu.

Hari itu..., aku macam teruja pula nk tolong sorang ini. Tapi, dia jadi macam overly attach pula, haa mulalah aku macam dah apahal dia ni. haha Dahla kalau nak apa-apa, mesti nak dapat and nak cepat,

Oh my dear Mimi, memang dia overly attach lah mimi dah kau beriya nak tolong dia. Ala,,ko anggapla dia paling selesa dengan kau, sebab itu dia minta tolong kau mimi.

Jadi rakan-rakan sekalian, nampak tak nampak tak..kalau dah pelawa nak tolong orang, tolonglah sebaik mungkin, dan seikhlas mungkin.